I haven’t update in a while. Shit got real. I had a boyfriend, and I had to throw him out. After that I found I had what we thought were bedbugs, but after turned out to be fleas. This post isn’t about that.
This post is about my new bed. For the first time in seven years, I have a brand new bed and bed frame. It’s the only upside to the damn bug problem. It was easier to replace than getting covers for the old shit. Cheaper too.
The upside to the whole bug situation is that in my panic it forced me to give up a bunch of furniture that belonged to exes and ex-family. It’s why I have the new bed.
This bed is MY bed. My last bed, a king-sized bed that was obtained second hand from a friend, belonged to me and my husband. Officially it was my bed in the divorce, but thereafter the bed held a ghost of a memory. Then, another relationship, and another ghost.
After throwing out the most recent ex, I couldn’t stand sleeping there anymore. Best night of sleep I had was the week after he was gone, and I went to Jersey to stay with a friend because finally, I was in a bed without any ghosts. (Well. None of my own.)
Despite the sheer mass of cleaning and organizing and moving furniture and purging his belongings out of my space, this room hasn’t felt as good as it has now, with a bed that neither he nor anyone else has touched.
Aesthetically and physically it is a different feel as well. It’s a metal bed frame 16 inches off the floor, with over a foot of storage space (cannot wait to get rolling bins to store my bedside amenities. The mattress is an 8 inch memory foam that is soooo deliciously firm. I plan to get a nice pillow top mattress pad so I can have soft and firm all together.
My old bed was a box spring/coil mattress combo and was way, way higher. It’s smaller; I downsized to a Queen. (It was a King; that’s how this all happened. Covers for the mattress and box spring would have run me about the same as the new jawn did with some thrifty shopping). I have a whole bunch more space available to me now between the smaller bed and the rearranging of furniture. I do want to get a comfy reading chair and more lamps.
I admit, I like having my own room. In both situations where I lived with a partner, the bedroom was definitely MY room. My husband had his office, where he eventually started sleeping, and my ex had his ‘man-cave’, which as a concept makes me very uncomfortable.
I fill a room comfortably and am very particular. I have space for Angrboda and Freya in my room; my work altar is now back in here unlike while my ex was here. I like my closet with no doors and piles of blankets, and my seidhr stool that no one sits on but me and my drum and art and pretty red lights. Ultimately this makes sense, as I have finally started the slow acceptance of my path. I will not pair bond like this again. I ought not have done that in the first place, I knew better, and…well at least I learned.
I have an idea of where things go next. It is likely going to be hard, but worth it.